Just another year of being unappreciated and ignored.I usually spend the couple months before my birthday looking forward to it, but about a week before I realize that it isn't going to come close to living up to my expectations and is going to suck like all the others. None of my friends ever call or texting me and it usually ends up with me being lonely.

 I don't know, just looks like it is going to be another day of lack luster crappy day of feeling lonely and like no one appreciates the fact that I am even alive. Maybe I should throw myself a pity party for one???? 

I want to break it open.
I would show you what's inside -
It would repulse you,
it would scar you.
I am sorry
for tricking you.
It's much worse than it looks.
I make it seem as easy as it should be,
but it won't be.
It isn't.

Maybe I've been lying to myself.
Maybe I harbor no pearl of redemption beneath this ugly shell.
The rot is bone-deep,
soul-deep, carved out and heaped in a stinking pile on the kitchen table,
like when my father taught me how to clean fish, slice long and clean up the soft white belly, sever the gills and pull, pull, pull, until you've a handful of guts and blood and organs. Toss the innards aside, into the creek. They are useless.-Molly