by Lang Leav in Lullabies.

 

I wish I knew why he left. What his reason were. Why he changed his mind.

For all these years, I have turned it over in my head—all the possibilites—yet none of them make any sense.

And then I think, perhaps it was beacause he never loved me. But that makes the least sense of all.

― Lang Leav

I don't know if I want you, he says. But I do know I don't want anyone else to have you.

It wasn't good enough, I knew that. Honestly, I did. In my mind it was crystal clear. My heart however, was having a serious case of selective hearing. All it heard was, I don't want anyone to have you. And within that---was a glimmer of hope, a spark of optimism.
False Hope (by Lang Leav)

― Lang Leav

(credit:Amends;Memories by Lang Leav)

It's been a year for the fasting month. Now Ramadan is just around the corner and i guess all muslims already started planning their 'fasting goals' Well, believe it or not...whatever you do ...wherever you go, these experiences will always be the same. Let the games begin!

• geared up and think this whole month will be a piece of cake
•  make it a point to refrain from any kind of social networking or internet use. It's like gambling somehow
•  try to be nice to everyone, even though it quite difficult
• good time for weight loss, but when its finally iftar time... umm well Ramadan is about losing sins not weight
• days start feeling longer than they actually are

Common, you guys had years of experience fasting right! I think everybody dreamt somehow to fullfilled their fasting month without "puasa yangyok" you know. HAHAHAHA 

Allah keeping the records and may we're protected by HIM from any diaster we never knew along this Ramadan. 

I found a nice quote of Ramadan "don't change yourself only for Ramadan but change youself for your entire life.". I pray that i can fix my heart even more.

 So guys, have you prepare for Ramadan?

The one who miss me when I am dissappear is no one but myself,

Hurting,
Stabbing,
Self depreciation,
Need a fix,mine

I was drown in the river of life,
Without nothing afford,
Or to give a beautiful sense in a word to comfort myself
I was helpless,
To which only forgiveness that i can ask of myself.

But know this,
I hate myself,
Busy carving my own scars again and again.

And know that,
for all of that
i will not allow it to happen
because
as i hate myself and disapper

I'll miss me even more.

credit:aloy paradoks

Aku teringat perasaan ketika orang yang aku selalu ws dan call, namanya akan selalu kat atas list recent contact aku.

Lepas tu dia makin ke bawah.


Kemudian hilang.

Rileks.
Bukan cerita depress.
Teringat je, teringat.

Love the way you lie part 2 really brings up memories and hits me with every word. Here i'm going to share the lyrics.

On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don’t know why I’m still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you’ll always be my hero
Even though you’ve lost your mind

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Oh, I love the way you lie

Now there’s gravel in our voices
Glass is shattered from the fight
In this tug of war you’ll always win
Even when I’m right
‘Cause you feed me fables from your hand
With violent words and empty threats
And it’s sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied

So maybe I’m a masochist
I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave
'Til the walls are goin’ up
In smoke with all our memories

It's morning, you wake, a sun ray hits your face
Smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
Hush baby, speak softly, tell me you're awfully sorry
That you pushed me into the coffee table last night
So I can push you off me
Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
Run out the room and I’ll follow you like a lost puppy
Baby, without you I’m nothing, I’m so lost, hug me
Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you’ll always love me
Then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the
Destructive path that we’re on, two psychopaths but we
Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other’s backs
That we’ll have each other’s backs, ’cause we’re that lucky
Together, we move mountains, let’s not make mountains out of molehills,
You hit me twice, yeah, but who’s countin’?
I may have hit you three times, I’m startin’ to lose count
But together, we’ll live forever, we found the youth fountain
Our love is crazy, we’re nuts, but I refuse counsellin’
This house is too huge, if you move out I’ll burn all two thousand
Square feet of it to the ground, ain’t shit you can do about it
'Cause with you I’m in my fuckin’ mind, without you I’m out it

If only tears could heal the pain I’m feeling right now, I’ll spend my whole life crying cause I know I’ll stay in love with him for the rest of my life knowing he can never love me back.

Break my heart ,destroy my soul
and leave me crying

i’d still love you
and i won’t expect you to
love me in return …

Just another year of being unappreciated and ignored.I usually spend the couple months before my birthday looking forward to it, but about a week before I realize that it isn't going to come close to living up to my expectations and is going to suck like all the others. None of my friends ever call or texting me and it usually ends up with me being lonely.

 I don't know, just looks like it is going to be another day of lack luster crappy day of feeling lonely and like no one appreciates the fact that I am even alive. Maybe I should throw myself a pity party for one???? 

I want to break it open.
I would show you what's inside -
It would repulse you,
it would scar you.
I am sorry
for tricking you.
It's much worse than it looks.
I make it seem as easy as it should be,
but it won't be.
It isn't.

Maybe I've been lying to myself.
Maybe I harbor no pearl of redemption beneath this ugly shell.
The rot is bone-deep,
soul-deep, carved out and heaped in a stinking pile on the kitchen table,
like when my father taught me how to clean fish, slice long and clean up the soft white belly, sever the gills and pull, pull, pull, until you've a handful of guts and blood and organs. Toss the innards aside, into the creek. They are useless.-Molly