October 2016

rumors

13 October

The past twenty-four hours of my life have been so disgustingly nauseating that I'm actually starting to feel like a ... puddle of ... cat .. VOMIT !!

Okay, I can handl the utter humiliation of walking around campus oblivious to the fact that my backpack is not zipped properly. Hey, I can even handle a mild concussion. But, what I can't handle is the fact that someone started an awful rumors about me ! Her ex-boo told me everything about the rumors that created by her. Ohh bitch please, just cut the crap.

Rumors has it that I being her friend for my benefits (not friend with benefit. I'm not a lesbian). Totally she used to be my best friend since part 3. Of course I totally freaked when I heard it ! Not only is a dare like that rude and insensitive, but it's a very cruel joke to play on people like... well.. Me.

I was sure yhe whole thing was a big fat lie ! Of course I did'nt do it. Sorry ! But everyone knows about my true nature. I am very outspoken person but just NASTY if people try to make fool of me.I'd totally believe that she just tryin' to catch the attention of her ex-boo. Yes totally. Drop dead bitch !

I like rumors ! I find out so much about me that I didn't even know.

Hey I'll be the first to admit, that rumor could have been a lot worse. Haters gonna hate. But still.... Just wish she would stay out of my personal business. After this. I mean my MORTAL enemy !! I don't know why that bitch HATES MY GUTS. It wasn't my fault.

Unfortunately, I learned today that is hard to trust everyone around me. Cause the only person I can rely on now is myself.Listen babe, there such nothing for me too lose. You just nothing for me even people said your something. Dean. Wealthy ? Just because of you got a gift from your father for you achievement on SPM. A SECOND-HANDED SUZUKI SWIFT ? Ohh bitch please,for me you just a naive girl who's lack of love, the lonely girl. Well, I being your friend because of I'm a human. I give you mercy. I just being happy without you. Babe, nothing too lose. I can try everything. I gain more. You just a troublesome for me. No more mercy. I hope that you will learn to appreciate people. Money can't buy friendships. Just get lost !!!!

Rumors are CARRIED by HATERS, SPREAD by FOOLS, and ACCEPTED by IDIOTS.

I DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOU! I JUST REGRET BEING NICE TO YOU. APOLOGIZING WHEN I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. AND REGRET FOR MAKING UNWORTHY PEOPLE LIKE YOU A PRIORITY IN MY LIFE. NOW I HOPE YOU JUST DROP DEAD BITCH. NO MORE MERCY. GET LOST FROM MY SIGHT !!! SORRY TO INFORM YOU BUT I'VE SEEN A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO HAD TWO FACED. YOU SAID THAT YOU'RE REGRET KNOWING ME. I'M 100% IDGAF.

2 Comments

broken

malam

11 October

2 Comments

lupa

moment

11 October

3 Comments

ego

wail-fayer

10 October

Dalam life aku, apa-apa benda je kekadang boleh buat aku menangis,

terlalu marah,

terlalu suka,

terlalu sedih,

terlalu penat.

Ada hari yang mana kerja assignment tinggi menggunung, bila salah buat calculation and cari buku tak jumpa pun boleh menangis.

Ada hari yang mana aku rasa sangat happyand blissful with all stuff that happened around me. Buatkan aku rasa nak lompat nak cakap kat semua oang yang aku sayang.

Gila.. Faggot..

Entah. Panggil la aku apa yang korang nak.

Kali ni ku nak cerita pasal keajaiban dalam relationship pula. Life ni memang sangat magik. Macam mana kau tengok kawan kau grow, grow,grow and grow. From this person to this person. Time does fly by. Kalau adamata dan masauntuk tengok semua perubahan dalam diri manusia, aku rasa aku akan pilih untuk melihat. Hahaha (apa yng lawak pun taktau lah).

Cerita ni mengenai orang yang aku SAYANG. Kawan sekolah aku. Kali ni nak mention their name, Yatt, Aaina, Nanie, Fatin and Fazila. Once, we used to be quite closed to another. Best friends forever. Yes I miss them much. Macam mana aku miss all the silly jokes and moments dengan diorang. The next thing you know, it just KABOOM! BAM! Since masing-masing masuk universiti. Diorang dah ada life on their own, away from me.

Dan aku dengan life aku dengan apa yang ada terus go on macam biasa. Kadang kami sempat jumpa. Tapi sekejap sangat. Masing-masing jauh. Cuti semester pun tak sama. Bila berjumpa, melepak tak lagi macam biasa, jokes tak sama macam dulu, nostalgia adalah nostalgia. Just that one moment, bila aku ketawa bersama-sama dengan diorang and was hoping that phone masing-masing rosak. Masa terus berputar, bawa kembali ke masa lampau. (Jiwang sikit..Malu aih). Time-time aku berlapar dengan diorang, Time aku pergi market ikan dengan diorang, time fail add math, time fail biology, time menangis dengan dorang banyak sungguh time kami bersama.

"All I had was my mom, all I had was you guys..We had dreams together, and all I sold everything to join that dream... and then it ended."

Salute bila duduk sorang-sorang Hormon apa benda entah yang datang. Hormon ni memang pengacau terhebat! dan aku masih tertanya-tanya kenapa phone aku rabak dan susah nak berWhatsApp dengan dorang. Kayy kami tak lose contact pun. But slightly changed from before. Ada masalah terus je contact. But, nothing last forever yet. I just hope our friendship last longer than ever. Jangan biar harapan terus jadi harapan. Start now for the better end. Aku pun ada ego juga. tak nak rendahkan ego dengan Fazila. haha sorry babe. So babes, AKU RINDU KAMU-KAMU. YES,KAMU.

Okay ni gambar kelas masa form 5.

Here is Nanie yang kat sebelah aku tu.

And this is Yatt, she's more like a sister. (Younger sister)

0 Comments

ego

loneliness?

10 October

3 Comments

depress

poser depress

10 October

5 Comments

broken

romantic illusion

10 October

Member aku cakap, aku dalam dilemma “romantic illusion”. Entah. Aku tak nak lari once aku dah decide to stay. Unless diberi jawapan yang pasti. I’m sure. So, aku tungu, sebab ku taka da apa-apa pun untuk dikejar. Cuma usaha untuk meng-stabilkan diri aku ni je. Which is will bring happiness and benefit untuk semua orang yang aku sayang. Maybe one day the waiting will be waste.Dan semua orang yang tahu kisah aku akan cakap,

“Aku dah kata,hang jangan tunggu!!”

Tapi tulah masalahnya. Aku nak pergi atas sebab apa ? ku OKAY.Bila kita tahu atas sebab apa kita menunggu,maybe tak rasa apa sangat kot. Dan aku tahu sbab apa aku tunggu. Sebab manusia, you see, is a very interesting science. Manusia membesr dalam keadaan faktab. Seorang pendosa akan terus jadi pndosa, sampai dia ada effort untuk kata “That’s it”. Pad akhirnya kita tahu yang kata ya atau tidak adalah TUHAN. I don’t have any power bcause I’m only a human being.

Bagi peluang. Yes I do give plenty of chances. Sampai bila? Orang tanya. Entah. Takde isu. Aku taka da psychological trauma dalam kes ‘menunggu’ dan ‘bagi peluang’. Jadi dalam konsep menunggu tu takde pekerja dalam kubikel kecik pun. So,flow dia dah cantic dan takde masalah pun. Yup. Reaksi biasa. Aku manusia.Aku faham kenapa aku tunggu. Sebab aku tahu,one day, aku aka nada statement yang macam ni.So, kalua aku tak get ready dan biasakan diri. Then how? In a relationship, one should give and take.

“Tapi dia melampau lah!” Kata orang.

Entah. Aku pun selalu buat silap kot.I always give people a chance. Not just a second chances. But a plenty of it. Untuk kerja,memang jahanamlah kalua attitude macam ni.Sebab kau akan slow-kan proses. Tambah aku agak berat untuk istiqamah dalam berubah. Tapi tu tak boleh buat apa. Sebab human grow and grow.Cara orang membesar pun lain,tak sama macam aku.Different people have a different psychological needs. Jadi aku yang konon-konontak ada isu sangatlah,malas nak mengisukan benda yang taka da isu.

“Pergilah! Kau stay buat apa”

Aku pun confused,tak tahu nak ke belakang, ke depan, atau ke mana-mana je. Jadi force ke depan dan ke belakang dah pause-kan movement aku. Macam Fizik. That’s my inspiration for this situation. So,aku tunggu sambal trying to be a better person. Until one day, aku boleh betul-betul rileks tersenyum. Silly willy. I still love you until now.Even you had stepped away from me. Yes. Do your worst. Stab me. Kill me. Or whatever. I am just a woman. A stone. That awaits at the corner. Waiting for the flickers in your eyes. While expecting none of it. Just me and my waiting. And I know . If there s,there will be. If not. Then it is fated. I have no qualms. HE knows better. As long as your smile is yours. I’m happy. Aku harap entry kali ni menjawab segala persoalan kenapa aku masih setia tunggu dia.

4 Comments

feminine

femininity ?

09 October

I'm talking about femininity.

Growing up, I was not feminine by any stretch of the imagination. Oh sure. Am I too masculine for a woman ? Hahaha I don't even know how to answer that question yet. But, mostly I am independent girl you know.

Since high school, I consider myself a nice girl or a brat. Okay, confession. Aku banyak buat benda bodoh masa sekolah menengah sampai lah sekarang. Jumpa pula kawan yang memang sehati sejiwa. Ye, kitorang agak lasak. But you wonder why ? It's a friendship goal.

By the time I entered university, I was THAT girl. Oh you know the kind- Messy-morning class wearing a pair of sneakers-without any make-up. But, semua tu masa first sem je and wearing sneakers tuu until now. Shoe is boring.

Time does fly by, since aku masuk sem 2, everything had changed. Tambah pula aku dapat boyfriend. Heehuu I was learn how to be feminine. But not at all. I've become a make-up expert (takde la expert pun). Learn to smell good than better. Which is belajar cari perfume yang betul dengan personaliti aku. Be outspoken and do pay attention to a little things.

But there are certain things about myself that I cannot change. Feminin terlalu subjektif. I try to be one. But bagi setiap perempuan, feminin tu dah ada dalam diri sejak azali kan ? So, I just be me. Being a woman in my own way. I think that my body,personality and appearance are all unique to me. Instead of knocking myself down all the time, I learn to love myself and everyone else will follow. I guess I am right. So readers, don't be scared to be yourself. Haters are gonna hate whatever we do.

Let's face it. The times have changed. What was once considered feminine is now seen as patronizing and chauvinistic to many. And I kinda have to agree. Because yes, we've gone a long way before, and that is not something to be neglected or forgotten.

Still, the most important thing still stands.The choice is all yours. You're the one in charge of choosing which lifestyle is the right one for you, so it's only your concern. There's no such thing as an official femininity scale to which you have to oblige and based on which you can be rated. You are the one dictating your own rules, and you are the one who should follow them.

When it comes to being feminine, the only expectations you should live up to are your own and no one else's. So set your expectations right where they should be. Too feminine or too masculine.

7 Comments

racist ?

08 October

5 Comments

toxic friend

08 October

4 Comments

not-so-fabulous life 2

08 October

0 Comments

not-so-fabulous life

08 October

0 Comments

Friends or Foes?

07 October

Why are people two faced? What makes someone suddenly turn from being a friend into an enemy ?

Jawapan aku sebab they have always been sly, or do they really believe you have slighted them in some way? People are strange creatures right. Scary gileee

I hav plenty of two faced friends. LoL since masuk universiti ni I met lots of different personalities. Some aku automatically get on with and others tuu emm... take an aversion to straight away *sigh. But mostly of two faced ni are the people which is orang yang aku harap, in other word my friends. Kadang aku pun terfikir camne la so sudden boleh turn against me even if I believe there is nothing wrong. And especially if I haven't argued, or seen them for a few days.

What on earth do I do? Well, aku tak panic sangat pun. There's nothing to lose. Pergi mampus je.. Life is full of fake people. So, kau tak payah nak pelik sangat even sopan macam mana pun dia. Pijak semut tak mati pun kau tak perlu nak percaya babe. Kalau tak wujud manusia camni takkan wujud la " bila bercakap tu lembut gigi dari lidah". Bukan aku nak condemn orang. Tapi reality kot.

Why do we never see a two faced person coming? Hahahaha maybe la kita dah berkawan dengan orang tuu berbulan, bertahun atau berdekad but there has never been any indication that this person is going to turn, and turn badly on us.

Kalau yang relationSHIT tuuu pulaa, seems to be when a third person gets involved. Troublesome isn't. Relationship will work only if dua orang tu saja terlibat. Tapi sayang, ada pula yang datang tambah perisa. Hahaha habis hancur lah relationSHIT tuu. Say Goodbye jela kayy. Tak payah nak fighting sangat. Tak perlu tanya antara kau dan orang ketiga. Kalau dia pilih kau,kenapa wujud orang ketiga.. Bangang! Lebih sedap macam letak secukup rasa,bila orang ketiga tu member sendiri. Sailang awek member katanya. Too cliche

Ni persoalanya, but why turn on the first friend even though I may have done nothing wrong? Just remember guys, orang yang two faced ni once they stop talking to you, they'll talking about you. So, don't trust people easily. Tak kira lah lelaki ke perempuan ke. Semua sama. Kayy bye.

0 Comments

idgaf

07 October

0 Comments

fat is not a BAD word

07 October

0 Comments

self-care

07 October

0 Comments

Concert, Here I Come

05 October

OMG!! I had the most amaaaaaazing day ever!!!!!!

Okay macam ni cerita dia.. Memandangkan kitorang baru je habis intern and back to collegue for some reason, kitorang memang mati kutu time tu. Perempuan-perempuan dalam bilik tu pun tak tahu nak buat apa. I got my to say YES when Arif invited me to this super amazing food festival that’s been held at UTP. And kat festival tu pulak ada konsert indie. OMG!! OMG!! Bila artis jemputan pulak BunkFace so without hesitation kitorang gerak petang tu jugak.

When we got the festival, perempuan-perempuan yang food lovers ni terhegeh pula nak makan benda pelik-pelik haa kat fest tu. Meyh idgaf. Lantak korang la babes. Yang tak bestnya bila lepas maghrib; Sabi, Mas,Ierna dengan Pei tetiba pulak tak nak join tengok konsert. Okayy tiket walk-in rm13 je puns. I don't mind about the fees actually.

Kat entrance tu lah aku jumpa Arif and the gang, mujurlah ada member nak masuk konsert. Kalau tak jenuh ah berpisang berangan kat dalam tu. First of all, memang ramai makeluk yang bernama lelaki kat dalam tu. And i've surrounded by those unwanted creatures (lelaki strangers). Nasib la Arif just ada kat belakang aku. Meow...

After an hour..... Bunkface pun menjelma (seram tak nada). They were totally AMAZING. OMG!! OMG!! By the time it started to get dark, we’d already had more fun than I thought I could have ALL NIGHT. We sent selfies to our friends, ate TONS of junk food, and danced so hard my feet were about to fall off. And Bunkface hadn’t even taken the stage yet!!! I didn’t think anything could ruin that moment. But then something did. Or SOMEONE. OMG my phone hilang!! OMG, are you KIDDING me? Tetiba... "You cari phone you ke ? Don't worry. Ada gn i. Bahaya la gile letak phone kat poket belakang,kang kena seluk nanya je you. How careless u are. Nasib la i yang kat belakang you."

Fuck off, buat aku risau nak mati. Hahahaha Tetiba macam ada halo kat atas kepala Arif. Okayy just joking around. Tapi ntah la, tetiba aku nampak dia macam hero. Haa okay tu lawak. Or probably not!! Ye dan selepas itu kitorang pun berseronok la dalam hall tu menikmati laranya dunia. darah muda,malam masih muda,malam ini kita yang punya. Hahahaha okay just mumbling around. So tu je kisah p konsert dengan crush. Ja Naa

1 Comments

Pages

myself

crazy

un-loving

wall

welcome back

errr..

pink

rumors

malam

moment

wail-fayer

loneliness?

poser depress

romantic illusion

femininity ?

racist ?

toxic friend

not-so-fabulous life 2

not-so-fabulous life

Friends or Foes?

idgaf

fat is not a BAD word

self-care

Concert, Here I Come

About me

Press

Follow me

Blog Archive

Popular Posts

Klik

Sunshine

Labels

Followers

Twitter

About Me

Instagram

Instagram

Follow on instagram