why I don't really date ?

21 March

I don't really date. It's not like a "thing"; I'm not out on some crusade to be single. It just happens that I'm not dating, and I'm not especially going out of my way to change that. Only now, when I sit down to count it out, so I realize that I've been single for two years. Because I've never once questioned myself about it. I've had bigger priorities, looking back at all the weird places my life has taken me in the past few years, I can't imagine the strain of trying to keep something up with someone without limiting my options. I have worked hard for the things I've wanted to make of myself, and being able to make snap decisions that I knew wouldn't drastically affect another person.

I can't date people I don't see myself marrying. "Ahh kau, cari boifren macam cari suami" It's not even a choice. I'm just simply not attracted to people I don't see a future with, and right now I'm at a place in my life where I'm not ready to commit to anyone anyway. I had one serious relationship in college, and broke up in halfway. It seemed stupid to limit ourselves when we were so young. And if that wasn't enough to sway me to stop dating for awhile, I handled it really immaturely. I consider myself a very sane and rational human being. It was a sign, to me, that maybe I wanted to give myself a little more time to grow up before putting myself in that position again.For real I want him back and I'm still waiting for him.
So yeah, even though every now and then. I'm not a fan of forcing things. If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, well, honestly, I'd rather be alone my whole life than be with someone I wasn't in love with. But I notice that as comfortable as I am with that, there are some people who aren't.

But I am also confident in my ability to love and be loved, and I don't feel the need to prove it by rushing into a relationship I'm not sure about. These three years I spent single have changed me so much already. When I meet someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, I want to already be the person I set out to be, or at least have a much clearer vision of how to get there, and I have no desire in wasting my time or other people's time along the way

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