Aku tak ingat dimana aku baca kisah ni, tapi jalan ceritanya lebih kurang macam ni yang muda makin dewasa, yang dewasa semakin tua. Yes for sure menjadi dewasa dan meningkat tua bukan proses yang sama. Semua orang akan menjadi dewasa.
Refleksi yang aku try post ni berkait dengan proses kehidupan. Pengembaraan. How korang mendekati and menghayati setiap pengalaman yang korang dah lalui, contoh macam aku dah 20 tahun aku hidup.
Guys sedar tak sedar kehidupan kita takde lah lama. Apa yang kita dah achieve selama tempoh kita bernyawa ? Kejar dunia ? Kesenangan duni bukan selamanya kita nikmati. Aku bukan nak berceramah, but please do your best for duniya akhirah..
Apa yang you guys alami sepanjang pengembaraan tu bukan something yang sia-sia. Everything happens for a reasons but we're just a human. Maybe 2 ke 3 tahun baru kita akan jumpa jawapan why things happen. Allah know the best for us.
Guys, why we always protecting others compareto ourself ? Why we always blaming others for the bad decision that we had made? Why we always seeking the faults in others untuk jatuhkan mereka ? Tak sedar ke diri kita pun banyak kekurangan dibandingkan dengan orang yang tiap hari kita cari kesalahan mereka. Stop blaming others for what you do. Please do correct our own.
Guys, why do we need to show off apa yang kita ada ? Kenapa selalu bersaing hanya untuk mengejar kebahagiaan ? Kenapa perlu cemburu dengan orang lain yang dapat kesenangan? Kenapa perlu bergembira bila orang lain susah ? Kenapa tak pernah bersyukur dengan nikmat yang kita ada sekarang ? Tak sedar ke semua hasad dengki tu sia-sia je. In the end kita sendiri yang sakit hati.
So,lebih baik kita bersyukur dengan apa je yang kita ada sekarang. Love yourself. You are way more than enough. Belajar untuk memaafkan. Saying sorry doesn't always mean that we were wrong. It doesn't matter what others think.Sometimes we shouldn't have to sacrifice our happiness. But be happy for others to happy. Ehh betul ke apa aku cakap ni.
What’s your story? Some stories are short. Some would make a good book, or even a movie. But every story is the same old story. Every story is just a retelling of the same old stories that have already been told across the world. Some have just been expressed too quietly to be heard, some have been written in letters too small for us to read.
But whatever we do in life is still a personal experience. How we respond to it is a personal choice. We have similar stories, but our personal experience of our own life makes it different. So, what’s your story?
"I have a boyfriend! Finally!" I said gleefully to my other close friends as i flaunt my new found heart throbs, Nash. Now he was somebody that i used to know. I'd had been move on with him past few years. Yes i'm done.
Flashback stories
I hear some of my friend swore under then breath others swoon and wooed either from my guy is just that dreamy.
And in poof of dreamy, i was transported to another section of my memories. Where my heart, my body, myself bleed. The dreamboat i was in had sunk, the angel i thought would be my everything turn out to be my morning light, my lucifer, my betrayer.
How did i end up myself in this mess ? "I need money. Now" with such command and arrogance he ordered me around.Who does he think he is ? His money bank ? Once i saw the true version of him in all his glory i realized how i detest men who see women as unequal to be as good as them.
Silence is the only thing i can manage to conjure. Broken me into million little depressed pieces he had. I felt myself being pathetic. Being used. HOW MAN CHANGES. After a year he texting me and tell me that karma does his work. Probably the rehab. Serves him right. What a pathetic excuse of man.
I had my time..This time i choose what liberty means to me. This is my choice. And nobody can say otherwise..and yes, they can talk, but i would keep on walking and improving the best way i know how. This is my liberty.
I stare myself at the mirror, my mind suddenly drag me into the cavern of memories that it had created from my prior years.
Where am i ? I quickly try to adjust where my brain gonna leads me too. And i realized i was in the days where i was determined to live my freedom that i sought through how i wear, how i want to look like, where i want to go to, who i am going out with ?
"Clean.Clean". And just like that my mind brings me back to the present. My past it seems and i didn't even realized it. Spooky
How did i ended up myself in this mess ? With a pinch of regret. I guess partly due to my fault being so open and proud of my liberal lifestyle. Even tho it's not too contra to the norm of the conservative Malaysian Muslim society.
I don't know why, but i was mixed with hatred and love at the same time. When i am not deluged by the hatred towards myself. I would try to get back to my roots. But it's too perilous task for me to do.
What a trouble soul i was. I guess this is the freedom i choose before, and i got the freedom i sought. I just can't write down my whole stories. What i'd done in my past but truly i wanted to share a lesson that i have learn to all the women out there.
So here’s the truth for me.
I betrayed myself first. Well before she betrayed me. This last few weeks I have wallowed in my own disappointment about this, about creating the same thing again, about losing myself to someone so undeserving.
But it hasn’t served me to be disappointed or angry. I thought at first I was angry at her for being a totally disappointing narcissistic bastard, but really I was angry at me for being the kind of friend who could love another totally disappointing narcissistic bastard for so long, instead of wisely and bravely leaving at the first sign of narcissistic bastardom.
The truth? I betrayed myself long before she did. I betrayed myself by giving and giving and giving and not asking for what I needed. I betrayed myself by making OK all the things that were not OK. I didn’t prevent this happening, I just lost myself and my own power in the process of trying to make she happy. And as a result I became mad and unhappy. I compromised what I believed a family to be, I didn’t do all the things I loved with the people I loved and in the end I questioned my own sanity. In the end I thought I was crazy.
I have wasted so much time already being caught in this place where I want to be angry about her betrayal. But the person I most need to forgive is me.
I watched this a while ago. And then again last night. And this time I really got it.I betrayed myself first. I deserved better and my girls deserved better she WAS RIGHT. And I was so mad at her that I wanted to say
“Fuck you, let me decide what we deserve and what’s going to make me happy!”.
Thank you, for making that choice for me, I’m not lost anymore and you were right.
The pain still comes, soft and far between. My eyes still tear. But now, it’s for the memory of that time we shared, the gratitude for the biggest lesson, for the little piece of my heart that tells him it’s okay.
Crazy, isn’t it? I left a piece of my heart with him. My heart shouldn’t be as strong as it was, let alone stronger.
Even when I'm hurt, I continue to build the heart muscle from use. Yes, it’s weakened by the sting, but it’s still capable of all the strength it had before.
A strong, loving heart is more prepared to absorb hurtful blows than weak attempts to hide it from the world. Even a broken heart continues to feed the body.Learn from the pain and continuing on. Continue on as I were before, loving as deeply as I can.
Love. Learn. Love more.
You were never supposed to mean this much to me. I was never supposed to fall so hard. But you know what ? I did and that's the truth. That's what keep me holding on because it hurts like hell to let you go. I can't un-loved you. I'll just love you in a different way now even I had lost you.
I loved “him” dearly, you know? No matter how much it hurt, though, I couldn’t un-know that love. The pain subsided, but the love was just as strong—just still there.
Those that I meet now that approach my castle are greeted and welcomed with the love I learned from him. Sure, some may aim to hurt, or do so unintentionally, but they have no idea the strength they’re up against.
Love after love, my heart becomes stronger and more stronger. With each loss, a new layer of muscle rebuilds over the last. With a stronger a heart, a stronger love, and a new, different, more beautiful cycle is born.
credit to :http://tinybuddha.com
Recently I’ve been looking back on situations that didn’t go well. Whether it was relationship, friendship, or even a job, there’s something I’ve noticed. It’s a “sense.” Hmmm.
There was a time I wish no one could enter those door of my heart. For a moment, I swore to put walls up. I'm AFRAID. The poison in the words numed my body and my soul. That was the first time I had felt it with a guy named Nash. HEARTBREAK. That was my first time experience feelings something so painful, that I fell into the cycle we all DO.
After a year, I had cured myself from that syndrome. Yes I'd moved on. But, there is someone else who drived me to a better place. For, I am just a girl with a heart painted on these wall,
Of his name,And his smile.
Noooooooo..... I trusted him very much. I loved him very much until now and at the endhe failed me. AGAIN ? The WORST feelings ever ! When he wounds me in a place I am vulnerable, it is hard to HEAL. For me it took FOREVER. The pains began to breaks, yet came back with the same intensity. After more, the breaks became longer and longer. Loads of pain until now. What kind of KARMA isn't it ?
Of these walls that I painted my heart out... how come I am the betrayer?
And as such.
My silence speaks.
What’s up! Okay, I know I’ve been missing for a two days or three. But, it was for a really GOOD reason. I’ve been holed up in my room for SELF-CARE! Yep, listening to the music and singing. Actually, I’d LOVE for you guys to listen to it and let me know what you think. But I’m not a Rihanna or Christina Aguilera. But, I think I sound pretty decent.
I’ll try to start posting regularly again. So, check back later and stay tuned. See ya! I love my personal blog.
I always thought my greatest talent was my kindness, but I’m starting to think it’s actually HUMILIATING myself!! I actually perempuan yang agak kasar. But then, I treat my friends dengan penuh kasih sayang.
But past few weeks, best buddy (mortial enemy) kecewakan aku. Since that I will NEVER treats her like before. NEVER! Not that you needed to know all that…When "sorry" means nothing! Yes I'd reach my limit. I'm DONE.
Anyways,I guess the friends are planning something. Who knows.
#kenapaBilaAkuNasihatOrangPenulisanAkuLain.
#BilaBuatEntryTentangPerasaanSendiriPenulisanMacamPelaq
Okay,aku tak pandai nak luah apa yang aku rasa sangat. Well, expect more from myself. Hahaha
Pink. Yes blog aku agak pinky. Banyak juga member yang comment about my blog skin colour. How can it be anything wrong with pink ? Aren't it just a COLOUR ? I like PINK. I have a lot of pink stuff. Hahaha beg make-up, cadar katil, sarung bantal, selimut, kasut, baju, mug, pinggan etc... (kalau nak list semua tu melampau lah). Pink is just like my signature colour. It's an attitude. Just beacuse I love PINK it doesn't mean that I am not STRONG. Then sukahati lah aku nak letak blogskin warna apa pun.
My diary right ?
The past twenty-four hours of my life have been so disgustingly nauseating that I'm actually starting to feel like a ... puddle of ... cat .. VOMIT !!
Okay, I can handl the utter humiliation of walking around campus oblivious to the fact that my backpack is not zipped properly. Hey, I can even handle a mild concussion. But, what I can't handle is the fact that someone started an awful rumors about me ! Her ex-boo told me everything about the rumors that created by her. Ohh bitch please, just cut the crap.
Rumors has it that I being her friend for my benefits (not friend with benefit. I'm not a lesbian). Totally she used to be my best friend since part 3. Of course I totally freaked when I heard it ! Not only is a dare like that rude and insensitive, but it's a very cruel joke to play on people like... well.. Me.
I was sure yhe whole thing was a big fat lie ! Of course I did'nt do it. Sorry ! But everyone knows about my true nature. I am very outspoken person but just NASTY if people try to make fool of me.I'd totally believe that she just tryin' to catch the attention of her ex-boo. Yes totally. Drop dead bitch !
I like rumors ! I find out so much about me that I didn't even know.
Hey I'll be the first to admit, that rumor could have been a lot worse. Haters gonna hate. But still.... Just wish she would stay out of my personal business. After this. I mean my MORTAL enemy !! I don't know why that bitch HATES MY GUTS. It wasn't my fault.
Unfortunately, I learned today that is hard to trust everyone around me. Cause the only person I can rely on now is myself.Listen babe, there such nothing for me too lose. You just nothing for me even people said your something. Dean. Wealthy ? Just because of you got a gift from your father for you achievement on SPM. A SECOND-HANDED SUZUKI SWIFT ? Ohh bitch please,for me you just a naive girl who's lack of love, the lonely girl. Well, I being your friend because of I'm a human. I give you mercy. I just being happy without you. Babe, nothing too lose. I can try everything. I gain more. You just a troublesome for me. No more mercy. I hope that you will learn to appreciate people. Money can't buy friendships. Just get lost !!!!
Rumors are CARRIED by HATERS, SPREAD by FOOLS, and ACCEPTED by IDIOTS.
I DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOU! I JUST REGRET BEING NICE TO YOU. APOLOGIZING WHEN I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. AND REGRET FOR MAKING UNWORTHY PEOPLE LIKE YOU A PRIORITY IN MY LIFE. NOW I HOPE YOU JUST DROP DEAD BITCH. NO MORE MERCY. GET LOST FROM MY SIGHT !!! SORRY TO INFORM YOU BUT I'VE SEEN A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO HAD TWO FACED. YOU SAID THAT YOU'RE REGRET KNOWING ME. I'M 100% IDGAF.
Malam akan terasa sunyi kalau kau kena tinggal dalam keadaan tanda soal.
Betul ke ?
Salah ke ?
Siapa entah yang suka hidup dalam tanda soal ? A question without an answer. Tapi masalahnya soalan ni kau sendir tak perlu gali dalam-dalam pun. Kau kena biar je. Cool down sampai semua reda.Setelah kau boleh tarik nafas tinggi-tinggi macam teh tarik Al Bayan (student UiTM Perak je tau), then kau hembus. Hahaha aku nak ajar kau cara bernafas .
Macam mana lagi nak hadap semua ni ? Kadang rasa penat. Yes I feel you.Sebabnya kau langsung tak tahu jawapan. But then again, kau terlalu lenient. Kau tak biar benda mengupas. Kau kena sabar bro. Nanti ada la hasil. Time will tell. At least kalau benda tu kau tak suka pun, masih lagi kau rasa ok. Sebab jawapan akan ada di penghujung soalan.
So, semua benda dah ditetapkan. So, steadylah brader. Kalau malam memang betul untuk kesakitan, takkan la panas terik tu untuk kegembiraan ? Ceh, kena buat levelling masa subjek Site Surveying masa part 1 and Part 2 pun kau merungut juga. Hahaha Pernah ke kau buat sport atau duduk bawah matahari untuk kau senyum ? LoL
Sakit tahu tak. Burn kulit. Hahaha, cer jadi macam aku. Aku suka malam. Nyctophilia. Nak buat ayat sastera sikit. Keindahan waktu malam yang kau takkan dapat pada waktu siang. Pastu kau tak rasa ke malam tu seronok. Boleh tidur. Hilang kejap masalah. Hahahaha enjoy every moment semntara kau masih ada peluang untuk tu. #deep
Dah, aku bagi jawapan dah.
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.
🌝 🌙 🌟
Pernah tak korng mengalami moment dimana orang tanya kat kau,
"Tak ingat ke ? Aku pernah tegur kau lah, kita pernah sembang. Aku tegur kat, bla bla bla bla bla.."
Dan kau langsung tak pernah ingat.
LANGSUNG
Tak dak!
Tapi rasa segan nak mengaku, nak admit kau lupa moment tu dengan dorang, walaupun dorang masih ingat!
Aku sebenarnya takde masalah sangat pun dalam situasi ni. Cumanya, kadang-kadng aku bertanya kat diri aku,
"Wujud lagi orang yang macam ni. Kenapa kita tak jadi kwan je ?"
Memories are special moments that tell our story
Ahaha haha haha haha haha haha ( Apa yang lawak sangat pun aku sendiri tak pasti. Lalala)
🌻 🌹 🌷
Dalam life aku, apa-apa benda je kekadang boleh buat aku menangis,
terlalu marah,
terlalu suka,
terlalu sedih,
terlalu penat.
Ada hari yang mana kerja assignment tinggi menggunung, bila salah buat calculation and cari buku tak jumpa pun boleh menangis.
Ada hari yang mana aku rasa sangat happyand blissful with all stuff that happened around me. Buatkan aku rasa nak lompat nak cakap kat semua oang yang aku sayang.
Gila.. Faggot..
Entah. Panggil la aku apa yang korang nak.
Kali ni ku nak cerita pasal keajaiban dalam relationship pula. Life ni memang sangat magik. Macam mana kau tengok kawan kau grow, grow,grow and grow. From this person to this person. Time does fly by. Kalau adamata dan masauntuk tengok semua perubahan dalam diri manusia, aku rasa aku akan pilih untuk melihat. Hahaha (apa yng lawak pun taktau lah).
Cerita ni mengenai orang yang aku SAYANG. Kawan sekolah aku. Kali ni nak mention their name, Yatt, Aaina, Nanie, Fatin and Fazila. Once, we used to be quite closed to another. Best friends forever. Yes I miss them much. Macam mana aku miss all the silly jokes and moments dengan diorang. The next thing you know, it just KABOOM! BAM! Since masing-masing masuk universiti. Diorang dah ada life on their own, away from me.
Dan aku dengan life aku dengan apa yang ada terus go on macam biasa. Kadang kami sempat jumpa. Tapi sekejap sangat. Masing-masing jauh. Cuti semester pun tak sama. Bila berjumpa, melepak tak lagi macam biasa, jokes tak sama macam dulu, nostalgia adalah nostalgia. Just that one moment, bila aku ketawa bersama-sama dengan diorang and was hoping that phone masing-masing rosak. Masa terus berputar, bawa kembali ke masa lampau. (Jiwang sikit..Malu aih). Time-time aku berlapar dengan diorang, Time aku pergi market ikan dengan diorang, time fail add math, time fail biology, time menangis dengan dorang banyak sungguh time kami bersama.
"All I had was my mom, all I had was you guys..We had dreams together, and all I sold everything to join that dream... and then it ended."
Salute bila duduk sorang-sorang Hormon apa benda entah yang datang. Hormon ni memang pengacau terhebat! dan aku masih tertanya-tanya kenapa phone aku rabak dan susah nak berWhatsApp dengan dorang. Kayy kami tak lose contact pun. But slightly changed from before. Ada masalah terus je contact. But, nothing last forever yet. I just hope our friendship last longer than ever. Jangan biar harapan terus jadi harapan. Start now for the better end. Aku pun ada ego juga. tak nak rendahkan ego dengan Fazila. haha sorry babe. So babes, AKU RINDU KAMU-KAMU. YES,KAMU.
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| Okay ni gambar kelas masa form 5. |
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| Here is Nanie yang kat sebelah aku tu. |
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| And this is Yatt, she's more like a sister. (Younger sister) |
Kesunyian tu just a creation by human being secara sengaja. Bila tidak pedulikan mereka yang memandang, tidak kisah kepada yang mendengarnya. Tak pernah nak ambil peduli kat orang yang merangkul kau. Yang peduli dengan kau.
Kesunyian?
Loneliness ?
Kau ada Tuhan, kata sunyi.
Kau ada family, kata sunyi
Kau ada kawan, pun kata sunyi.
So, loneliness were just projeksi ego kau yang menuntut untuk orang lain memahami tanpa kau balas kebaikan and perhatian dorang ? Kau terlalu demand. Manusia ni. Turunkan kepala yang mendongak. Just see manusia-manusia yang bersedia memegang tangan kau bila perasaan takut datang. Mahu orang faham kau, tapi kau tak pernah nak ambil initiatif untuk faham orang ?
Jadi dimana letaknya LONELINESS tu sebenarnya ? Kau ada banyak benda lain yang lagi lagi lagi penting untuk kau buat kan. So that, banyak betul masa kau sampai kau sempat nak melayan kesunyian kau tu. Yes kau terlalu banyak masa untuk diri sendiri. Masa orang lain kau nak letak mana?
Kekadang kita ni poser juga, melalut kalut, drown in sadness, hoping that someone may give a crap about our well being. Well, they are. It is just that it is not enough. At least not for us.
Jadi kita pun tarik muka, tarik selimut, SEDIH, RUIN, pastu duduk kat bucu bilik. Tak pun duduk menyorok bawah katil. Haha. Then someone hulur tangan (macam drama melayu tv3 pukul 7).
"Oh,aku terlalu berdosa untuk menerima pertolongan/simpati kau".
Oi! Just shut up the heck up. Take the hand and walk away to a better place to be a better person. Kalau takde tempat nak kau tuju pun tak payah la cari bucu bilik, tempat kau nak menangis.
We are better than that atau mungkin certain people suka drown dalam their own sadness. Carut, maki dan jerit macam orang gila macam dunia ni tak adil. Bangang! What the heck ? Dunia memang takkan adil.
Kau pi ke dunia buat apa ? Bukan dia boleh buat pape pun dekat kau. Dunia pun ada tuan empunya. So tak perlu nak minta tagih simpati keadilan dari dunia. Instead of moping around, why don't you just sniff the air. Breath. Cuba untuk bersyukur sikit. Sedut sampai kau rasa tak lalu nak sedut pun takpe.
Wake up man. Kau nak orang tengok kau bersedih berapa lama ? Sedikit ? Perah sampai habis lah. Cukup! Then,chin up. Do something fun dan appreciate little things yang kau lupa nak celebrate dulu. Or you being a masochist ? Yang suka have fun bila ambil simpati orang dengan cara kau sakitkan diri sendiri. Play the victim. Kalau aku dah lama aku bagi penampar! Where the perpertrator and so the victim just yourself!
In the end man,kita masih ada benda yang perlu buat dalam dunia ni. Don't cry over split milk. Bahagiakan orang yang masih sayangkan kita. yang peduli kita. Before semuanya melipat lingkup and death await you. That's bad. mohon kau sedar. Stop being masochist.
Member aku cakap, aku dalam dilemma
“romantic illusion”. Entah. Aku tak nak lari once aku dah decide to stay. Unless
diberi jawapan yang pasti. I’m sure. So, aku tungu, sebab ku taka da apa-apa
pun untuk dikejar. Cuma usaha untuk meng-stabilkan diri aku ni je. Which is
will bring happiness and benefit untuk semua orang yang aku sayang. Maybe one
day the waiting will be waste.Dan semua
orang yang tahu kisah aku akan cakap,
“Aku dah kata,hang jangan
tunggu!!”
Tapi tulah masalahnya. Aku nak
pergi atas sebab apa ? ku OKAY.Bila kita tahu atas sebab apa kita
menunggu,maybe tak rasa apa sangat kot. Dan aku tahu sbab apa aku tunggu. Sebab
manusia, you see, is a very interesting science. Manusia membesr dalam keadaan
faktab. Seorang pendosa akan terus jadi pndosa, sampai dia ada effort untuk
kata “That’s it”. Pad akhirnya kita tahu yang kata ya atau tidak adalah TUHAN.
I don’t have any power bcause I’m only a human being.
Bagi peluang. Yes I do give
plenty of chances. Sampai bila? Orang tanya. Entah. Takde isu. Aku taka da psychological
trauma dalam kes ‘menunggu’ dan ‘bagi peluang’. Jadi dalam konsep menunggu tu
takde pekerja dalam kubikel kecik pun. So,flow dia dah cantic dan takde masalah
pun. Yup. Reaksi biasa. Aku manusia.Aku faham kenapa aku tunggu.
Sebab aku tahu,one day, aku aka nada statement yang macam ni.So, kalua aku tak
get ready dan biasakan diri. Then how? In a relationship, one should give and
take.
“Tapi dia melampau lah!” Kata
orang.
Entah. Aku pun selalu buat silap
kot.I always give people a chance. Not just a second chances. But a plenty of
it. Untuk kerja,memang jahanamlah kalua attitude macam ni.Sebab kau akan
slow-kan proses. Tambah aku agak berat untuk istiqamah dalam berubah. Tapi tu
tak boleh buat apa. Sebab human grow and grow.Cara orang membesar pun lain,tak
sama macam aku.Different people have a different psychological needs. Jadi aku
yang konon-konontak ada isu sangatlah,malas nak mengisukan benda yang taka da isu.
“Pergilah! Kau stay buat apa”
Aku pun confused,tak tahu nak ke
belakang, ke depan, atau ke mana-mana je. Jadi force ke depan dan ke belakang
dah pause-kan movement aku. Macam Fizik. That’s my inspiration for this
situation. So,aku tunggu sambal trying to be a better person. Until one day, aku boleh betul-betul
rileks tersenyum. Silly willy. I still love you until now.Even you had stepped
away from me. Yes. Do your worst. Stab me. Kill me. Or whatever. I am just a
woman. A stone. That awaits at the corner. Waiting for the flickers in your
eyes. While expecting none of it. Just me and my waiting. And I know . If there
s,there will be. If not. Then it is fated. I have no qualms. HE knows better.
As long as your smile is yours. I’m happy. Aku harap entry kali ni menjawab
segala persoalan kenapa aku masih setia tunggu dia.
I'm talking about femininity.
Growing up, I was not feminine by any stretch of the imagination. Oh sure. Am I too masculine for a woman ? Hahaha I don't even know how to answer that question yet. But, mostly I am independent girl you know.
Since high school, I consider myself a nice girl or a brat. Okay, confession. Aku banyak buat benda bodoh masa sekolah menengah sampai lah sekarang. Jumpa pula kawan yang memang sehati sejiwa. Ye, kitorang agak lasak. But you wonder why ? It's a friendship goal.
By the time I entered university, I was THAT girl. Oh you know the kind- Messy-morning class wearing a pair of sneakers-without any make-up. But, semua tu masa first sem je and wearing sneakers tuu until now. Shoe is boring.
Time does fly by, since aku masuk sem 2, everything had changed. Tambah pula aku dapat boyfriend. Heehuu I was learn how to be feminine. But not at all. I've become a make-up expert (takde la expert pun). Learn to smell good than better. Which is belajar cari perfume yang betul dengan personaliti aku. Be outspoken and do pay attention to a little things.
But there are certain things about myself that I cannot change. Feminin terlalu subjektif. I try to be one. But bagi setiap perempuan, feminin tu dah ada dalam diri sejak azali kan ? So, I just be me. Being a woman in my own way. I think that my body,personality and appearance are all unique to me. Instead of knocking myself down all the time, I learn to love myself and everyone else will follow. I guess I am right. So readers, don't be scared to be yourself. Haters are gonna hate whatever we do.
Let's face it. The times have changed. What was once considered feminine is now seen as patronizing and chauvinistic to many. And I kinda have to agree. Because yes, we've gone a long way before, and that is not something to be neglected or forgotten.
Still, the most important thing still stands.The choice is all yours. You're the one in charge of choosing which lifestyle is the right one for you, so it's only your concern. There's no such thing as an official femininity scale to which you have to oblige and based on which you can be rated. You are the one dictating your own rules, and you are the one who should follow them.
When it comes to being feminine, the only expectations you should live up to are your own and no one else's. So set your expectations right where they should be. Too feminine or too masculine.
Lately, I spending so much hours om my blog. Here some issue yang aku nak kupas senipis-nipis kulit popia. Ada member aku persoalkan KENAPA AKU BENCI ORANG PANTAI TIMUR. Haa mai sini nak habaq mai paseipa kami tak suka. Sebab orang Pantai Timur ni berpuak. Tambah-tambah sep Kelantan. Orang kelantan kena sedar sikap asobiyah tu kena buang, kita ni hidup bukan zaman 60-70 an nak berpuak puak, lagi satu perangai asobiyah. Sebelum tu korang baca komen kat entry ni….bagi orang Kelantan kompen akan sakit hati bila baca…
First, aku nak minta maaf la kalau ada yang terasa hati. Maaf. Tapi aku memang RACIST pun. But since masuk universiti ni, bersepah-sepah budak Kelantan. Dominasi meluaskan kuasa. And finally, aku pun terkepit-sepit dengan budak Kelantan.
Classmate aku ramai budak Pantai Timur. Mostly KELANTAN. Urghhh... Ku relakan jiwa. Having a tough time to deal with them. Dah la LIDAH KERAS. Kau ingat aku faham ke kau cakap Kelantan. Take time aku nak get along dengan puak Kelantan. 1 sem lamanya....
Setelah berberapa sem duduk mereput kat kampus, aku ada kenal dengan several orang Kelantan which I can call em' my friends. Yang ni lidah tak keras. Senang sikit nak communicate dengan dorang. Banyak peristiwa yang kami involve sesama. Yes! Finally aku boleh get along dengan orang Kelantan. Walaupun tak banyak mana tapi ada improvement juga.
You guys, just remember that kita nak tak suka orang tu, orang ni, kau ingat dorang suka kau ke ? Hahaha. Tapi mindset people kita tak boleh nak ubah la. Aku still lagi racist pada kadar optimum. hahaha tapi aku sayang jimbit-jimbit aku yang dari Pantai Timur.
Okay done membebel. (sakit pula hati aku tak boleh nak justify allignment)
I'm not sure they've already heard all the gossip about me and one of my friend. Well, I should say my EX-FRIEND. Ever since I caught her making fun of me. I have been so ANGRY that I coud just..
SCREEEEEEAM!!!!
And then she had the NERVE to actually told everyone my deepest darkest secret. TRASHING me like that! STABBING me in the back!
Like WHO does that kind of thing to another person ?!
Well, Okay! I'll admit that maybe I do those kinds of things to other people. But definietly NOT to my BEST friends!!!
So I was like, Excuse me, but I really DON'T appreciate you making fun of me. But HATERS ARE GONNA HATE!
Right now I'm so OVER her!! I don't even CARE!!
Dear friend,
I feel really SORRY for you, because ALL you have for emotional support are your very WEIRD parents. And your lullaby nor hardcore songs.
And nobody else cares about you! Except maybe your bratty boyfriend. Gosh, maybe that will be just temporary period I guess. MAYBE, Ohh I'm very sorry to said that and probably it suits you VERY much as you attitude to others.
But that guy ? I mean the other person. Rumor has it, that he's so OVER you! Sorry babe, but your BOO has moved on. They said pain had change people right ? And so he is.
My point is that you have no REAL friends WHATSOEVER! You just said you don't give a fuck about people. But you insanely JEALOUS with em! Compared to your LONELINESS.
Anyway, I surely recommended that you have to think outside your BOX. Learn to appreciate people who are give their worth for you. That's all babe.
Hey readers, I have no idea why I spend hours and hours typing this stupid blog of mine. But lemme guess! It's because I'm seriously need to GET A LIFE DURING SEM BREAK!!!!!
When I want to share my life experiences or vent about something, I just asking my friends but not to talk to my dearest mommy. Of course, sometimes mommy is super busy doing her work.
But when dedicated families can't spend quality time with me (which I have to admit happens for too frequently these days). I can always rely on my best friends (not to mention their name) which I have known them since middle high school. And I love em soooooo muchhhh that I can deny ~
They will listen to me patiently for an ENTIRE hour. How cool is that ? I am very lucky girl isn't it. But please don't be jealous of me okay ? Even when I don't have prosperous like you, it's okay as long I have a real friends who's be stand by me.
Why are people two faced? What makes someone suddenly turn from being a friend into an enemy ?
Jawapan aku sebab they have always been sly, or do they really believe you have slighted them in some way? People are strange creatures right. Scary gileee
I hav plenty of two faced friends. LoL since masuk universiti ni I met lots of different personalities. Some aku automatically get on with and others tuu emm... take an aversion to straight away *sigh. But mostly of two faced ni are the people which is orang yang aku harap, in other word my friends. Kadang aku pun terfikir camne la so sudden boleh turn against me even if I believe there is nothing wrong. And especially if I haven't argued, or seen them for a few days.
What on earth do I do? Well, aku tak panic sangat pun. There's nothing to lose. Pergi mampus je.. Life is full of fake people. So, kau tak payah nak pelik sangat even sopan macam mana pun dia. Pijak semut tak mati pun kau tak perlu nak percaya babe. Kalau tak wujud manusia camni takkan wujud la " bila bercakap tu lembut gigi dari lidah". Bukan aku nak condemn orang. Tapi reality kot.
Why do we never see a two faced person coming? Hahahaha maybe la kita dah berkawan dengan orang tuu berbulan, bertahun atau berdekad but there has never been any indication that this person is going to turn, and turn badly on us.
Kalau yang relationSHIT tuuu pulaa, seems to be when a third person gets involved. Troublesome isn't. Relationship will work only if dua orang tu saja terlibat. Tapi sayang, ada pula yang datang tambah perisa. Hahaha habis hancur lah relationSHIT tuu. Say Goodbye jela kayy. Tak payah nak fighting sangat. Tak perlu tanya antara kau dan orang ketiga. Kalau dia pilih kau,kenapa wujud orang ketiga.. Bangang! Lebih sedap macam letak secukup rasa,bila orang ketiga tu member sendiri. Sailang awek member katanya. Too cliche
Ni persoalanya, but why turn on the first friend even though I may have done nothing wrong? Just remember guys, orang yang two faced ni once they stop talking to you, they'll talking about you. So, don't trust people easily. Tak kira lah lelaki ke perempuan ke. Semua sama. Kayy bye.
Yes i'm 20 y/o. Tapi blog aku macam budak-budak tho. Idgaf apa orang nak cakap. Aku hias macam mana yang aku nak. Rilex laa, baru 20, bukan 200.
Hey gaiss welcome back to my channel (ayat copypaste youtube). Okay, lately banyak member aku suka mengadu pasal body shapes. Habis kau nak macam bikini body ke ? Oh dear, just believe in yourself. Siapa yang dok kutuk-kutuk bentuk badan orang tu kau perfect sangat ke. Darn. Screw you! Real love doesn't care about body type. It's more concerned with what's inside. If he/her give a fuck about body type.. Screw them! It's not a love but a compromise.
Aku ni pula jenis yang tak cukup berat. Hahaha. But idgaf abt it. Takpe laa if kau nak kurus. Aku bukan marah kau nak kurus. Tapi aku bengang sikit dengan perangai orang suka mengutuk ni. Okay laa dear, lemme sharing some tips untuk jaga berat badan.
- Banyak minum air putih
- Banyak banyak la buat aktiviti yang keluarkan peluh
- Jangan minum air berais lepas makan. Minum je air suam.
- Kurangkan pengambilan santan/seakan dengannya
- Nasi tu sikit je. At least secawan pastu lauk yang banyak
- Tak payah la makan sangat jajan tu
- Hadkan makan ayam
- Kurang sikit ambil makanan bergula. Gula tu glukosa. Glukosa tu karbohidrat. Adik beradik je
Haa tu je yang aku buat. Kalau tak membantu juga, kau makan je nasi gaul garam. Hahahaha
hey blog.. Okay here's my first time doin' such entry. Memandangkan sekarang ni musim orang heart-broken, here's some tips nak cure masalah tu. Yes, for sure aku pun ada masalah yang sama. So, aku nak share sikit lah apa yang aku buat untuk coping with dats problems.
first of all, bagi yang muslim tu boleh buat solat sunat taubat. Yela, kita manusia selalu je buat salah and end up menzalimi diri sendiri. Macam sekarang. So, kita akan dapat inner peace/ketenangan jiwa. Jangan la buat solat sunat je tapi yang wajib tak buat pula.
second, kena la ingat we just lose her/him, but we're still have our family right ? Tulaa nak pesan, time couple tengah bahagia ke apa ke jangan la sesekali abaikan family kita. Blood is thicker that water isn't it ? Cuba untuk mendampingi family. Even dorang tak faham masalah kita pun, dorang akan buat kita happy. Just spent a little time with em'. Mother know the best for her son/daughter.
yang seterusnya, do what make you gais happy. Contohnya makannnnn!!!! Tapi kalau aku, aku lebih suka nature. Nature buat aku happy. Lepas broke up haritu, aku banyak spent time on myself pergi hiking, rock climbing, picnic tepi pantai, mandi air terjun and so on. Siapa cakap nak happy kena ada duit ? Tak semestinya bruh. Nature free je. Kalau kena bayar pun just a little for entrance. Takat rm2 ke rm3 takkan la kau tak mampu. BELANJA AWEK PI SEPHORA MAMPU PULAKKK. So, do what make u happy.
Last sekali, just be a better person than before. Ni paling penting. Haa, cuba kau ingat balik kenapa digelar EX. Mesti ada something yang kita buat sampai annoyed them right ? Apa yang aku cuba sampaikan ni bukanlah untuk menangkan kembali hati EX tu. EX biarlah jadi EX. Tapi buat perubahan untuk diri kau sendiri. For your better future.
Okay tu je entri kali ni. Hopefully membantu serba sedikit untuk u gais yang struggle nak move on tuu. Barang yang lepas usah dikenang. Hahaha jadikan pengajaran je laa. Fighting!
OMG!! I had the most amaaaaaazing day ever!!!!!!
Okay macam ni cerita dia.. Memandangkan kitorang baru je habis intern and back to collegue for some reason, kitorang memang mati kutu time tu. Perempuan-perempuan dalam bilik tu pun tak tahu nak buat apa. I got my to say YES when Arif invited me to this super amazing food festival that’s been held at UTP. And kat festival tu pulak ada konsert indie. OMG!! OMG!! Bila artis jemputan pulak BunkFace so without hesitation kitorang gerak petang tu jugak.
When we got the festival, perempuan-perempuan yang food lovers ni terhegeh pula nak makan benda pelik-pelik haa kat fest tu. Meyh idgaf. Lantak korang la babes. Yang tak bestnya bila lepas maghrib; Sabi, Mas,Ierna dengan Pei tetiba pulak tak nak join tengok konsert. Okayy tiket walk-in rm13 je puns. I don't mind about the fees actually.
Kat entrance tu lah aku jumpa Arif and the gang, mujurlah ada member nak masuk konsert. Kalau tak jenuh ah berpisang berangan kat dalam tu. First of all, memang ramai makeluk yang bernama lelaki kat dalam tu. And i've surrounded by those unwanted creatures (lelaki strangers). Nasib la Arif just ada kat belakang aku. Meow...
After an hour..... Bunkface pun menjelma (seram tak nada). They were totally AMAZING. OMG!! OMG!! By the time it started to get dark, we’d already had more fun than I thought I could have ALL NIGHT. We sent selfies to our friends, ate TONS of junk food, and danced so hard my feet were about to fall off. And Bunkface hadn’t even taken the stage yet!!! I didn’t think anything could ruin that moment. But then something did. Or SOMEONE. OMG my phone hilang!! OMG, are you KIDDING me? Tetiba... "You cari phone you ke ? Don't worry. Ada gn i. Bahaya la gile letak phone kat poket belakang,kang kena seluk nanya je you. How careless u are. Nasib la i yang kat belakang you."
Fuck off, buat aku risau nak mati. Hahahaha Tetiba macam ada halo kat atas kepala Arif. Okayy just joking around. Tapi ntah la, tetiba aku nampak dia macam hero. Haa okay tu lawak. Or probably not!! Ye dan selepas itu kitorang pun berseronok la dalam hall tu menikmati laranya dunia. darah muda,malam masih muda,malam ini kita yang punya. Hahahaha okay just mumbling around. So tu je kisah p konsert dengan crush. Ja Naa
Okay here's my first time doing Hill Reviews. haha! pfft hill reviews.. to more hills this year? lol... not after I've climbed this one. LOLApalah ni...Member aku,Qila sibuk nak make up, hiking also wanna put make up. BUT CHILL LA PEOPLE! it's just put some of sunplay! excuse me ! lol . Just another tragic news hit the net about Bukit Tabur (this hill), a few years ago an Indian girl at the age of 25 DIED there .WHO KNOWS HOW MANY OTHER UNREPORTED DEATHS OCCURRED HERE RIGHT?! Even experienced trekkers fall and break their bones, some even caused death, and I was just a starter.... Of course I didn't acknowledge this fact BEFORE I decided (dipengaruhi Yan) to give this hill a try, Ammar and the geng dah macam kasi hint abt that hill,tapi kitorang tak peduli pun. Silly me, I felt so small and vulnerable tho... .__.
By the way, Bukit Tabur is 10x more extreme than Broga Hill (if you've been there before). I never tried climbing Broga Hill before but that's what my friend's say. I've never hike up Broga Hill before, and I've never tried rock climbing in my life before, and I decided to take on this extreme Hill for hiking. Am i idiot or just plain daring? LOL. I told my father I went hiking, but I didn't tell him about how it went....And so,i didn't told my mom yet. if she knew she would scold me... LoL
So here is my documentary of my experience at Bukit Tabur, it's insane I tell you. Okay this is not my first time hiking, but this time was an unexpected trips u know. So I didn't really prepare the outfit. And i don't even know what to wear thus I'm at my babe's home. I just go to "pasar malam" and buy some long pants. At first I was wearing sweatshirt (like really hot lah) so my babe borrowed me her jersey. And thank god because omg, I can't imaging if I wore that sweatshirt to hike up.
We left our homes about 2:00 am in the morning, so basically we had to stay up! (ni semua idea si Yan) I couldn't sleep that night tho . Pergi kutip member-member.First kutip Azam then Qila pastu Ammar. Suddenly,Botak told us to join the trips cause of dia balik kerja awal. Disebabkan awal sangat,we olls pergi lepak dekat mamak area Melawati. Chaitt time tu la nak kenalkenal each other. P/S i've never know them except my babe (Yan). Okay enough for babling around.
Reached the destination at about 5am, and we officially started hiking up at 5.30am... Here we go people! It was absolutely pitch dark, the moonlight was covered by the tress so we need to rely on torchlights, actually we don't even bring torchlight,so we got to used our smartphones. Apparently mine was the brightest, so everyone practically had to rely on my flashlight. I was holding the trees up for the few thousand steps hiking up, making sure I don't slip and fall cause it was quite slippery,
7"30 am view.... just incredible. Look at the clouds floating above the lake.
AND BY THE WAY. Bukit Tabur IS AS TALL AS / THAN GENTING.
so we were practically hiking Genting Highlands.... damn hardcore!!
They're the ones who decided to carry the heavy dslr to capture our trip to Bukit Tabur. THANK YOU GUYS!
it was kindda cold .
seeking peace at this height... Loving the fluffy clouds
finally a spot to rest and to take it all in.way for me to remind myself I'm one with nature.
Look from the back mountain, this is how high we've hike, after...2 hours? to enjoy the morning sunrise.
I love these candid pictures of us having a great time!
This is actually such a great friendship photo. I love it!
OKAY GUYS, so if anyone of you reading wants to climb and hike Bukit Tabur, make sure you take ultra good care of yourself.After the hike,my muscles were sooooo sore... especially my thighs, can't even squat can't even walk down and up the stairs without hugging the handling bar.can't even go to the toilet without the support of your arms!! My arms were so sore too.Especially the shoulders, omg, I sound like a total bimbo now, but gosh I could use a nice massage.
And that's my experience hiking Bukit Tabur guys.Seriously I can't help but emphasize, PLEASE BE CAREFUL if you decide to go give it a try.6 long hours of constant hiking really did made me so exhausted. But I feel soo good right now.
I love Khai
